Friday, November 30, 2012

Lana Del Rey Shit Show

While everyone has their panties in a twist over Beiber Fever, let me remind you of the incredulous Lana Del Rey. She's a sham and represents everything that is evil and wrong with the modern music industry. LDR is a washed-up singer who sold her soul to the titans in the music biz. Those huckers changed her name, injected her lips with more collagen than a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon dispatches in a month, and told her to sing like she had an ashtray in her mouth.

What hath they birthed? One big bowl of hipsterfied ostrich shit bobbing around in a soup of lukewarm PBR.

LDR's lameness was exposed during her atrocious appearance on SNL, which ruined her impending tour. Hey, I'm pissed that her manager cancelled the tour. I had scored LDR tix and I wanted to check out her shitshow for myself and drink Rhubarb Margaritas, while jacked up on Ludes and stand in the back to try to dry-hump hipster chicks cracked out on Adderall and vodka-soaked tampons.

LDR's PR people spun her SNL debacle it as best they could saying she was nervous. Okay, she got a mulligan. But why the hell did the pouty LDR stink up the joint on the Jools Holland show? I've seen corpses with better stage presence than LDR.


1 comment:

Andrew Williams said...

LDR herself is a beautiful instrument, but without the proper talented people playing her, she is just an inanimate object up there. She is produced to create some beautiful music in the studio, but until her management gets some one to find a way to produce her "live" she's worthless on a stage.