Phish Red Rocks Ticketbastard Grovel

Some days, you hope you wake up lucky. Today is one of those days.

One scalper wants $2,600 for a four day pass at Red Rocks. Are you shitting me? Does it come with an 8-ball and a limo ride to and from the venue every day?

Man, maybe if John Lennon, Jerry Garcia, and Duane Allman came back to life and played with Keith Moon, then maybe I'd spend $2,600.

Alas, the Phish is a hot ticket. Especially the intimate and spiritual setting in Red Rocks. Almost hotter than Hampton judging on some scum of the earth selling tickets to the highest bidder.

We have become pawns in a battle between the machines and the wookies. The wookies are instinctually hunters and gatherers. They seek out tickets for the lowest denomination possible (free). And the bots? They gobble up tickets faster than you can hit the 'refresh' button on your browser. And the bots' evil overlords sell the tickets to rich yuppie potheads who have no qualms paying $500 to see a chubby guy in a dress play a vacuum solo.

It's a bloody war where nobody wins, except the war profiteers... scalpers and faux fans jacking up the prices. And if you're one of those slimy sleazy fuckers charging 12x face for a Red Rocks ticket... I curse you... and may the lice of a thousand camels infect your pubic hair.

Good luck to all of you true heads out there. You're gonna need it because it's gonna be a bloody battle out there trying to get a ticket.