Sunday, June 21, 2009

How to hook up at a festival


So you're single and going to a festival; lucky for you. Music festivals are a great time and going solo ought not get you down. One thing I can attest to is the large number of people who are on the level at these things; if all of life was like this, most of us would never have trouble finding solid, fulfilling dates. As a single dude, I've gone to many music festivals with no mustang sally riding shot gun, but ended up meeting more than enough Brandy's, Jessica's, and sweet Melissa's to sing me to sleep every night.

No soul should go hungry at these events. Thus, with input from my peers, I've put together a five part series on how to have a successful, fulfilling hook up at a festival. Granted, not all of you out there need advice, because it just comes easy for you. Let me be the first to say a) congratulations b) your beauty makes us all hate you (kidding).

Everybody needs lovin. For the rest of us, these tips should put
you in a good spot for some action. Feel free to leave additional ideas in the comments, and together we'll spread the love to all four corners of the lot.

Section I:
Start Early

In the square world, courting a mate could take weeks (or months, but who the hell waits
that long for lovin?). In the festival lot, you’ve got 3, maybe 4 days to make the magic happen, so act with a purpose. Thankfully, most people at a festival know this. We all understand we’re on vacation, open and free by nature, and some of us are in the mood for a little out of town sleeping bag shenanigans to really make the weekend great. With this in mind, preplanning and the first few hours are pretty crucial in establishing yourself.

Before you leave:

-Prep your equipment to make sure your spot is an inviting love nest (dry, shaded, sweet looking). Traveling w/a crew normalizes things and keeps you mentally comfortable.

-Bring plenty of ice, food and beer. Plan on sharing stuff.

-Make sure you have clothes in which you’re comfortable and looking decent enough that someone might even bone you sober (leave the “no fear” gear at home).
Also bring some of your favorite snazzy party gear for late night show debauchery.

-Pack some extra items that will allow you to interact with potentials lovers on a more fun and intimate level (lotion, stereo for dance parties, costumes, extra drugs, condoms).

Freaking Brilliant Costume Example

When you get there:

After set up, you'll want to check out your extended neighbors.
Often I’ll post up on the thoroughfare adjacent to my campsite and just watch people walk to the first night shows, scanning for people I think I might like to talk to. Spread out a little bit, and make sure you get a good sense of who’s out there before devoting precious time/resources. If I see some people I like, I’ll approach them to try and say something that establishes a brief but memorable connection (more on what to say later).

This past bonnaroo, I looked for groups of girls. Dealing with groups of chicks (or dudes for that matter) is more efficient and flirting with them all at once increases the primordial, competitive nature we all have regarding love mates.
This is a great way to increase your odds of getting what you want, and figuring out who you don't.

When you see someone you like, introduce yourself and start the “get to know you” small talk to plant the seeds of intimacy.
Don’t try anything crazy or elaborate. I read that “hi” is the most effective pick up line. It's more about establishing a report, so speak well. Stick to the basics (name, where they’re from) and make sure you remember what they say, especially their names (huge).

Some salesmen use a name recognition trick which I find helpful. Say their name back to them in the conversation almost immediately after meeting them, such as “hey Julie from Topeka, nice to meet you. I would consider going down on you later” (or whatever). Doing this establishes an intimate connection w/the prospect and solidifies the memory in the language center of your brain. Light touching or hugs are also good, but go with your instincts and tread lightly this early. Establishing yourself as a creep, spun out or a weirdo is probably the worst thing one can do on their mission to hook up on the lot.

Chill Out

After your initial scans and some friendly banter, relax and enjoy the rest of the night with your crew; you’ve made your presence known.
Take note of memorable show moments and stories that night which you can look to later when conversing with prospective mates.

On your way into the show get the lay of the land.
Obtain helpful information on bathhouses, ice trucks, show locations, security concerns, and anything else that will establish you as a trusted source of information later.

Remember, your mission is to establish an intimate connection throughout the weekend, culminating in the two of you doing fun, exciting things to each other. Meet people, but don't force it. No need to get over anxious and blow all your best plays in the first quarter. But hey, if you can score a hail mary touchdown on the first night, props to you. The first full day of fun awaits tomorrow.

Next Up, Section 2: Setting the Stage


the joker said...

the UPS guy costume was a great way to meet people. man, i miss Vegoose.

Max Yield said...

good article but what about some advice on how to keep those hands nice and clean for some fun in the sun finger banging action. i think that's the tricky part of every festival.

Broseph said...

good call jared, I thought about that and have some ideas

Hannah said...

ahahahaha. you have not disappointed my friend! can't wait to read part 2.

Unknown said...

You really need a supply of baby wipes to keep everything fresh so that if you do get a shot you don't blow it with 2 days of BO.