Top 5 Worst Phish Songs: Daddy's Picks

I first met Daddy at the last ever Phish show at Deer Creek in 2004. We smoked up on the lawn during setbreak and have been buddies ever since. He recently sent me a hilarious email which detailed what he thought was his least favorite Phish songs.

So here they are....
Daddy's Top 5 Worst Phish Songs

Here my five least favorite songs by one of my favorite bands, Phish.

Note, these aren't essentially the "beer" or "piss" songs such as Bouncin', Brian and Robert, etc. where it's time for a break at a show. I can get these songs, I'd just rather have mashing jams when I'm seeing them live. Most of these songs don't truly suck per se, they're just often grossly misplaced.

5.) Simple - Some people love it, I can't stand it. The drive is there, but the repetition grows tired before we even hear how grand the saxophone really is.

4.) Cavern - This song can be so fucking funky, and so damn good at times. A great example of where their lyrics just totally fucking blow it. Of course, if you give me some "Gears" Gerhard trumpet action I could stomach these lyrics all damn day.

3.) Heavy Things - I'm still confused why they chose this as their radio single off of Farmhouse. Has there been a worse marketing decision in the history of music? In a related note, The Inlaw Josie Wales - Sand - First Tube trio is one of the greatest in studio album history.

2.) Contact - At first it was neat to have your guys play what is essentially a children's song right in the middle of a sick funk stretch. Once the novelty wears off it's pretty easy to see that this song just fucking blows.

1.) Esther - Probably my least favorite song by any of my favorite bands. When I hear it I'm tempted to lop off one of my fingers in an effort to have the intense throbbing drown the song completely out of my brain.

Honorable mentions: The entire Round Room album.
And there you have it. Daddy has spoken.


BTreotch said…
I guess Friday didn't get enough time to show it's true suckage
ericwyman said…
Simple? Fucking simple? Are you crazy? The quintessential post-Auld-Lang-Syne simple? Simple rocks hardcore. Put Foam in there instead.
Anonymous said…
5. Heavy Things
4. Friday
3. Mexican Cousin
2. Jennifer Dances
1. Jennifer Dances
Yeah Simple has some beautiful and melodic jams after it...

My picks:

1. WASTE - total mood killer...and always placed in the worst spot.
2. BILLY BREATHES - snore...
3. GUYUTE - Entertaining song the first couple of times, but having to hear it 8 of 10 shows...boring, especially in the later years when Trey had trouble ripping it up.
4. FRANKIE SAYS - Glad they put this one to bed after awhile.
5. HEAVY THINGS - Disaster...I would take 17 Jennifer Dances in a row before having to hear this song...still can't believe this is the song they chose to play on national TV on the 1999 New Year's Broadcast when millions of people were watching...travesty...

Other notables include Brian & Robert, Friday, Mexican Cousin, Sample in a Jar (deserves to be jammed out)...And most of Trey solo stuff.
Pauly said…
I have to disagree with SIMPLE and CAVERN, yet you make a solid argument with the other three.

My list would include...

Velvet Sea
When the Circus Comes to Town
Anything But Me

And those annoying slow songs post-hiatus like...

Secret Smile
Anonymous said…
Brian & Robert is actually my favorite Phish song. Not necessarily to see live, but after the opening of Bittersweet Motel, hearing those opening notes always puts a smile on my face.
Daddy said…
Kung and Foam don't count because they suck so bad they're often times not even considered music.

Waste and Velvet Sea both used to get me laid in college as I'd strum their simplicity on my 6-string acoustic, so they get a free pass.

Mexican Cousin, Anything But Me, and Friday all gargle swamp ass, and I covered them in my Round Room honorable mention. I'd rather listen to a horse fuck a baby pig than give that album another spin.

I could've probably listed twenty songs I dislike more than Cavern. This was me getting one off on Trey and his ribbon reflector. PLAY the funk, Ernie. Keep your fucking piehole shut.

And, finally, Simple. You folks can have it. I won't argue that it can't or won't evolve into something great, but Phish can make this happen just about anywhere. Fifteen minutes of Simple is like getting a blowjob from a fat trucker.

At first it's pretty cool, but after awhile you've just got an old greasy beard slobbering all over your balls.

What next, someone here is going to tell me that The Flaming Lips aren't the worst live band in the history of music?
Anonymous said…
Here's what's next - your analogies are killin' me dude - ohh the pictures of them all in my little strawberry mind....the gamet of things you can do to Phish songs or rather would do instead of listening to them, apparently - get laid, listen to a horse fuck a baby pig, AND gettin' a BJ from a fat, greasy beard laden trucker.


you're killin' me...
ericwyman said…
Fifteen minutes of Simple is like getting a blowjob from a fat trucker.

You say it like it's a bad thing.
BTreotch said…
Wait up.. I the trucker gay? That changes everything !
IamwhatIam said…
Alright Cheeto, you're crazier than sorta insane person doing silly things.

I like Esther. I once had an acid trip that convinced me that Esther was about me.

I was at the first Guyute at Lehigh U. in 1994. I thought it was cool.

I saw the first "Waste" too.

FWIW, I have trouble listing my 5 least favorite Phish songs. I mean, there is NO SETLIST you could devise that I wouldnt fly to the Congo to see tomorrow.

That said, Velvet Sea does suck.
Anonymous said…
i agree that Jennifer Dances is the worst and second to worst Phish song ever
Anonymous said…

I can agree with most of the list. I never did get simple.

BUT, Cavern is a really great song, and the lyrics, though nonsensical, fit the song nicley. Its more the flw of the words than the words them selves.

Also, round room did have some bad stuff on it, but I really do love WOTC, though it isn't the awesome funk that phish is known for, its still a beautiful song.
Anonymous said…
Gotta Jibboo from Farmhouse is easily my least favorite, though I never heard it live so maybe just the studio cut blows. Jennifer Dances is meh, all it ever did was drag the audience down. Always loved Simple.
Anonymous said…
You suckas know 'Somanatin'? Ouch! Prob as bad as 'Jennifer Dances'.
Anonymous said…
Nothing from phish sux. Gather up your collection, smoke a jay, sit back and listen to simple, cavern, and velvet sea,etc. until you love em all. The worst shit they play on their worst day is better than the best of anything currently on the radio. That alone is enough to make me hate this thread.
ericwyman said…
Your post makes me hate this post.
Anonymous said…
everyone has fav's and least favorties and the reasons are simply subjective. all of these comments that make absolute dismissals is just as silly as the pharmers almanac stating which drugs go best with which songs.
on any mouse said…
I am surprised to see no one mentioned "Spocks Brain"

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